Today Tink and I went for a beautiful walk near a lake, got denied access to a "clothing optional" beach, and just snuggled and watched Moulin Rouge. She burrowed her way under the blanket so she could snuggle next to me (adorable!) Also, she is an anxious creature, so I get to practice finding my calm so that she can feel at ease. She is a wise teacher and I am grateful for her presence in my life. While the cats, Smeagol (aka "Fatty") and Sing are adorable and loving also, in the 24 hours I have been here Tink has totally won my heart. So that means you have to wait at least another day or two before I am posting pictures and glowing accounts of the cats.
For the next two weeks, I am living the life of a crazy pet lady in the fanciest house I've ever inhabited. This house is in a suburb of Austin, amongst lakes, trees, hills, and many fancy homes. The running trail outside the house has water stations set up along the way. The neighbors I have encountered are kind and friendly, despite the fact that I clearly don't fit in with the general scenery. The area exudes an aura of new money and bright futures.
As I seek jobs I don't want, with depressing paychecks, and keep getting denied after interviews, I can't help but wish some lovely young being with a comfortable career and lifestyle will sweep me off my feet, become the greatest love of my life, while also supporting my career as an artist. And the mere fact that I am fantasizing about prince(ss) charming rescuing me from the "cruel" hand life has dealt me is perhaps the most depressing thing of all! Clearly I have time on my hands and am making up some stories, which is not the most productive use of my energy!
I have been feeling a lot of anxiety and pressure in the past two weeks, and today realized the impact my overactive brain is having on my health. I don't feel well at all, and my negative and anxiety-ridden thoughts aren't helping anything. Since I have arrived in Austin I have felt like I can't do enough. I have been working hard, in one way or another, every single day. I feel like I should be doing something totally fabulous with my life, achieving instant results, and yet everything is happening in slow motion. So I have decided to take a step back for the holiday season. I can do a few simple things every day related to music and my career, but overall it is more important for me to be a good friend to myself, relax, and take good care of my furry friends. This storm of self-doubt will pass, and a beautiful day is on the way!
And so I leave you with this quote:
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
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