Marilyn Wanted To Be Loved

Marilyn wanted to be loved.

I am sitting in a silent christmas-lit room, sipping a fabulous port that was aged 20 years and reflecting on the film I just saw- "My Week With Marilyn." Recently I was challenged to consider my favorite "rock stars" and answer a variety of questions regarding what made them so great. Marilyn didn't come to my mind immediately...it took me a few weeks of subconsciously considering my favorite celebrities to realize how much I love her. She has been living deep in my subconscious. I relate to her in so many ways, I have been embarrassed to admit for fear of judgement. She was the ultimate sex symbol: objectified, silenced, sedated, and turned into a product. And I am a feminist- sexism and objectification of women be damned! Yet there is something intrinsically authentic and compelling in her, despite all the camouflage of stardom. And that is why we love her so much.

I realize that I am perhaps not so much a fan of Marilyn Monroe, but rather I am fascinated by Norma Jean. A small town girl, an orphan born to a mentally ill mother, who married at the age of 16 and worked at a munitions factory during the war. Through a stroke of luck she became a model and was discovered. On her way to fame, she was crowned "The Artichoke Queen of California." (Priceless, right?)

She was an avid reader and writer, and longed to be a great actress. Several years ago I read a collection of her writings and was amazed how incredibly articulate she was. However, she obviously struggled with a major learning disability and arranged words in the wrong order, misspelled, etc. (The days before spell check were awful!) I imagine her as a perfectionist, being pained by every error (from misspelt word to untrue line delivery), tortured by her overwhelming awareness of her imperfections. Yet she could turn it on and charm and seduce impeccably through her character. Marilyn loved the spotlight, and Norma loved books, nature, introspection and perfecting her craft. She was innocent and sexual at the same time- which is a trait I seem to have also.

In contrast with Marilyn, my favorite male "rock star" is John Lennon. Both burned brightly brilliant and died young. While Marilyn was tortured and insecure, John was fearless. He know he was good. He was outspoken and opinionated and fearlessly himself. He embodied many traits stereotypically labeled "masculine"- strength, wisdom, determination, and a classic "i do what I want" attitude. Marilyn was by contrast, the stereotypical female: Smiley, sexual, childlike, playful, dumb blonde, and "crazy". No one wanted to see the real her....they wanted Marilyn. I can relate in that I too have found that people see what they want in "the pretty girl." She isn't real but rather a character, and ultimately you have to be true to yourself and "leave the audience alone."

“I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't.” -Marilyn

Norma Jeane, I love you forever my fabulously human, powerful and vulnerable friend!