A day in the life of a full time musician and hat maker

Up until 2 months ago, I was a day job person with a 9-5 and annual salary. Now, I am living on the other side of the country in my friend's music room, sleeping on an air mattress and figuring out how I want to live my life.

And I am so unbelievably happy and grateful every day.

I wake up, drink tea, make breakfast, stretch, and begin writing my "daily pages" (a journal I am keeping to help clear my mind, open my creative channels, and focus my energies for the day.) After writing I flow into practicing music, yoga, perhaps a run, and before you know it dinner time has arrived and my dear friends are home. Most evenings I attend open mic nights or shows of friends. And crochet hats while I listen!

Yesterday deviated from the typical, and I am so grateful. I started the day off right with a coaching session with Carla DeSantis Black (an amazing advocate for female musicians- http://www.carladesantisblack.com/). I have been fixating lately on NEEDING to create an album or EP, imagining that by having these products in my hand I will somehow be a more legitimate musician. And of course, there is the idea that I would be able to make money off an album. She encouraged me to record one or two songs and really focus on learning skills (recording technology, additional guitar and vocal skills) to help me feel more confident and at the top of my game. I feel so much more at peace with this. She also encouraged me not to dump money into anything unnecessary. My inclination was to hire a producer, create an album, website, business cards, get pro photos, etc...and Carla coached me on affordable ways to do this while I build up my career. Bless her!

I then went to a job interview for an after-school program in a housing project. While it is a job I can do- and pretty much have done already in one form or another- I left feeling like it was totally wrong for me. I really don't want to go back to a heart breaking and energy-zapping job.

After the job interview, I met with Havilah Rand (http://havilahmusic.com/) to discuss a part time/internship position assisting her with a variety of programs and projects. We went over tasks and it looks like I will be helping Havilah plan a songwriter/creativity group, helping out at her yoga/music retreat, researching for her upcoming tours, and possibly assisting her with the development of an existing non-profit program that teaches songwriting/creativity in classrooms. This position pretty much combines everything I am interested in right now- how perfect is that?!?! I feel like everything is opening in such beautiful ways. Keep it coming, universe (pretty please?!)

In order to generate some income this holiday season WHILE helping y'all buy local and not support the 1%.....I opened an etsy account where you can buy my awesome, warm, cozy, adorable, love-filled hats! Check them out (and tell your friends!)

http://www.etsy.com/shop/DaisyBeDesigns

So perhaps the pigtail hat + flowers is a bit excessive....but this picture is so priceless I had to post it!

NamasDaisy!

Gratitude & (wo)Manifestation!

During this annual time of thanks, I am filled with immense gratitude. I am living. In a beautiful home, with loving friends and talented musicians. I am meeting new friends and being welcomed and embraced wherever I go. I have the time and space to breathe, process, feel, dream, and envision. I have been running and doing yoga on a daily basis, and attending open mic nights and shows most nights of the week. I've also been participating in family life by cooking lots of meals, which feels really good. Life feels simple, effortless, flowing, and natural. I am grateful for this pause, this time to re-evaluate who I am, where I have been, and how I want to live my life. I am excited to develop my intentions and continue to live and (wo)manifest a beautiful life every single day!

Many months ago, my core group of friends in Bellingham had a "visioning" circle and made boards charting where they had been, where they are now, and what they want to manifest in the future. I was absent that evening, and have been intending to make a board ever since but kept holding myself back. I thought I had to wait until I had a nice surface and backdrop for it, with lots of clips from magazines and different visuals to bring it to life. After journaling every day since I arrived two weeks ago and spending a lot of time envisioning how I want to live my life, I realized the time had come. If I wait until I have all the "perfect" materials, I will never do it. And I really want to have my vision displayed more visually than a journal can allow.

So I marched out to the garage and found an old box in the recycling. And here we have it- my very simple and scratchy past, present, and future vision board!

Yes, this is a messy, hard to read, scattered visioning board. And I am proud of it! How often do we hold ourselves back from doing things that feel good, things that help us and others, because we are ashamed of our imperfections? There is power in our weaknesses, if we can get over our embarrassment and self-judgement. Obviously penmanship and drawing are two of my weaknesses....and I could hide them pretty well in this modern day and age.... but I find something comforting in witnessing the imperfect, the parts of ourselves that are raw and scratchy and challenging. And chances are you feel the same way. It is likely that no one reading this will judge me harshly for the rough and imperfect nature of my writing, my music, this blog, or anything else in my life. I challenge you to let your imperfections shine through sometime soon...chances are it will feel great AND you will set everyone around you at ease by being true to yourself!

Artist Recommendation of the Week:

My gracious host William Wallace is a fabulous song writer! He just updated his in-home recording studio and has been working on a new recording of his song "Green Dress"- it's so beautiful and catchy! Shawnee sings harmonies and they sound soooo beautiful. I feel honored to be a witness to their creative process.

http://www.reverbnation.com/williamwallace.

Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow

From Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet".....

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

Turn me back into that wild haired gale

My heart is heavy with sorrow, as I learned that my friend Timothy Morris is quickly passing away from an aggressive form of cancer. He was diagnosed last week, and has only days left at this point. Today (Saturday) my friends back home are paying their respects to Tim as he celebrates his last "Thanksgiving" with his parents and partner, Maryann.

We have shared so many good times over the years: snowshoeing and berry picking adventures, countless yoga potlucks, bike rides with wigs, and even a delirious road trip to Skagway Alaska last summer. His bright spirit, stunning smile, and contagious giggle will be in my heart forever.

For those who know Tim, Maryann has created a Caring Bridge blog and guestbook. This is a place to find out updates on his condition, post your thoughts and feelings in his guestbook, view pictures, etc. https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/timmorris/

Life feels like a movie lately- like I am watching myself move through waters and try to stay afloat. I go to shows and networking events and feel like a silent movie version of myself. I don't think anyone has noticed....but I certainly see I am not myself. I think of my friends back home constantly. Tim's passing is shaking all of us to our cores.

I am realizing more than ever the importance of really living every minute to the fullest and loving wholeheartedly. I spend a lot of energy worrying about the future and closing myself off to conserve energy and heart space. Some of this is an important part of self-care, but much of it is a pattern that doesn't serve me or anyone else.

It is bizarre to be in such an exciting place in my own life, while also witnessing great pain in the lives of those I love most. Beautiful things are unfolding quickly in Austin, and I feel like this is where I need to be right now in order to take care of myself (and by doing so, better serve the world and the people around me.) I am struggling with guilt. Part of me feels like I should fly back to bellingham immediately so I can do something. A bigger part of me realizes that there is nothing I can do to make this better. I can love my friends and be there for them, and plan a visit home that is healthy for myself also.

I hold my dear Bellingham family in my heart.

Speaking of loving you. . . I do.

I received news from home a few days ago- one of my dear friends went to the doctor because he was in chronic pain, and they found cancer throughout his body. He has been in the hospital for the past week and we still haven't received updates as to the type of cancer and treatment recommendations. I'm trying to stay positive, yet realistic.

It is hard to be so far away when something like this happens. The friends are making the rounds and keeping him company in the hospital, and I can't be there to support any of them. I feel barely functional myself- like everyone is at a standstill.

This song is heavy in my heart right now- we never know what changes will come next.

http://www.myspace.com/anaismitchell/music/songs/changer-66263204

All we can do is Love.

It's a New Day

Today marks my second full day as an inhabitant of Austin, TX. It is sunny and should reach the 70s today. After spending 25 years freezing and damp in a temperate rainforest, it amazes me to see sun every day (and to be hang-drying my clothes outdoors in November!)

I am beginning to process the information I gained through workshops at the TAXI Road Rally. Two particular presenters had a major impact on me: Steven Memel and John Germain Leto. Both coach musicians, and focus on helping artists discover and bring out who they really are in their music. I have so much food for thought that it feels like I'm recovering from thanksgiving dinner! I have visioning exercises (where do I want to be in 1 year as an artist?), and goal planning to set into action (how am I going to do it? Specific and measurable goals.)

While I am feeling mostly positive and focused, some demons are popping in to say hello. They tell me I am silly for dreaming I can be a musician, that it is unattainable, that no one like me makes a living as an artist, that I am delusional and childlike and in a dreamworld. That any moment the harshness of reality will set in and I will be forced to go back to social work (or some other 9-5 job). I am noticing these demons- welcoming them in for a moment, walking them through the "house", and letting them exit out the back door. I have no need for them.

I am aware of the power of my subconscious, and my need to have ALL aspects of myself believing in my abilities, skills, and mission in life and music. There is truth, power, beauty, and love in what I am doing. The greatest gift I can give to the world if my fully authentic self, acting creatively and with love.

John Germain Leto: http://www.RockStarImage.com/

Steven Memel: http://stevenmemel.com/

Living it Up in LA

As I write this on a Tuesday evening, I haven't slept since Sunday night (nor am I tired!) Shawnee and I had a whirlwind tour of LA and then a marathon drive to Austin, Texas, where I now live. I managed to avoid being arrested at the border crossing in El Paso (which is a too ridiculous to recount in detail) and now here I sit, waiting for Shawnee and William to return from band practice.

While I haven't even begun to process the information received and depth of connections made at the TAXI conference for independent musicians, I want to at least give you a taste of our AMAZING weekend by sharing photos and music by our lovely musical friends.

Ms Shawnee Kilgore, my travel companion, wise sister, kind hearted and compassionate lover of everyone, and one of the best song-writers I have ever heard. http://shawneekilgore.blogspot.com/p/songs.html)

During our weekend in LA, we stayed with our rock star friend Willow in his beautiful apartment near Griffith Park. After spending long days at the TAXI conference we came home and rocked late night with Willow (and also ate his ice cream and snuggled in his bed...he is a perfect gentleman, despite his dangerous good looks.)

The first day of the conference I fell in love with Austin Ellis, a heart-centered, compassionate, and joy-filled musician who also happens to look like Jacob from Twlight. It is impossible to see him play music and hear his amazing voice and not love him forever. Check him out. . . he is a rising star for sure.

http://www.austinellismusic.com/fr_home.cfm

Shawnee and I fell in love with 3 other musicians this weekend, and pretty much holed up in a hotel room with them during breaks and had some lovely songwriter circles and laugh-gasms.

The first of these lovely men is Adam Smith, one of the most fabulous, positive, inspiring, and stylish people I have ever met. He wrote a rocking song for suicide prevention among queer youth (which devotees will recall is also a big passion of mine). He is one of the most soulful people I have ever met, and we instantly connected on a deep level. One of my conference highlights was singing along with him on a grand piano. And making funny faces.

Check him out: http://www.adamsmithmusicart.com/

The next musician we love is PK Gregory. He sang me a crude honky tonk song about some crazy lovings "down at the Starlight Motel" and won my heart a thousand fold. LOVE HIM. And I can't wait to meet his wife and daughter of whom I have heard the most amazing stories.

http://www.myspace.com/therealpaulkoenig

The last man we fell in love with is Saith. What can I say about Saith? He teaches yoga, is a massage therapist, has the cutest son ever, and sings like an angel. One of my conference highlights was being super goofy with this lovely man, running around like teenagers, and singing along with his songs I had never heard before (my favorite being "Now Is the Time"). He has a rocking album with TWO disks! I have a copy myself and highly recommend that you buy a copy as soon as possible. Really. He is so soulful and spiritual and real. . . I love him! http://www.saithmusic.com/

My heart is filled with love and gratitude for these beautiful souls. Namaste!